I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
