I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Randomize
