maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
