Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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