When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
