your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
