some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
