is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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