Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
