Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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