Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
