i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
