ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
