Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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