Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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