She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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