Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
