Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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