Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
