Your face is a jimmy john
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
