either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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