So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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