jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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