When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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