I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
