He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
