i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
