is your mom at the bar?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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