Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
