Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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