I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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