Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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