My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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