woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
