I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
