Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
