It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
