just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Randomize
