Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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