Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
