Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
