from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
