I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
