Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
