covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize