It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
