I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
