you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
