508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
