I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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