I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
