Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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