You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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