man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
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