if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Even my vagina gasped.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize