put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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