The maid of honor just puked.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I don't deserve a penis
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
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