the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
