i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i already hear my dad disowning me
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
