you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
