Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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