You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
