9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
