well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
