Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Drunk walkin through police station. America
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
