I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
