Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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