I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
