Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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