the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I have demons in me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
