just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
