I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
