M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
In America we eat man semen.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
