She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
