I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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