i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
