There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
