Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wish i was in the wii world.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
