Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Randomize
