Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Randomize