I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
